Submitted by: Deborah Lautaret via Submit a Kludge!
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CommentThread!: Oh my God, y’all are cracking me up this morning. Fantastic thread. Plus +5 internets for all parties involed!Started By: Fixer Blackmoore, “Day 51. I’ve managed to kludge a can opener so that I can eat the remaining stock of canned food. I expect this will last another month, or until i run out of ammo for the shotgun and the zombies finally get me.”
Fixer Pat says, “Day 52: Ate two beans today on accident; can survive one fewer day now.”
Fixer dono1 says, “Day 53. No luck yet on opening my remaining can of mystery food but the past few days have given me a chance to study the picture on the label. It’s either potato chips with rasins or miniature Dr. Scholl’s air-pillow insoles topped with okra slices. I’m so hungry now I would gladly eat either. The zombies are getting bolder and were not scared away by the torch I made from a roll of paper towels. If only I had some duct tape to seal up these windows…”
Fixer anon says, “Day 54. After consuming some of the contents of this can, its effects appear to be acting as a zombie repellent. They don’t seem to have any interest in eating my brain today. I suspect it is because my brain would taste like what I have been eating. Also, in spite of it being the middle of summer with no AC and not having showered for a week, I am not sweating nor do I smell. I also feel remarkably comfortable and relaxed. I now believe I have been eating Dr. Scholl’s odor destroyers super comfort insoles rather than the air pillow insoles.”
Fixer bobdobbs says, “Day 55 I fear the insoles have stopped by bodily functions and I have been unable to quench my thirst. They are super absorbent and even if the Zombies do not get me I fear the insoles have taken their toll.”
Fixer Blackmoore says, “Day 56 – I have managed to locate a hot water tank full of potable water, and drank the entire contents. Still uncomfortable, but the zombies are still repelled. I’ve located another stock of sealed cans with no labels – but I am running out of shotgun shells.”
Fixer Blackmoore says, “Day 58 – PANIC! I’ve run out of Duct tape!”
Fixer dono1 says, “Day 59. I think I’m in luck. One of the cable channels was having a MacGyver marathon and I was able to catch several hours worth of episodes (although I had to keep the volume down so as not to alert the zombies of my presence). In one episode called Ugly Duckling, Mac made a shotgun shell out of an old paper towel tube, a flashlight battery, parts from a smoke alarm and some Tabasco sauce, all wrapped tightly in duct tape. I’ve got most of those ingredients here in my kitchen except the Tabasco but I do have Cajun Catsup Hot Sauce which should suffice. Unfortunately, I still don’t have any duct tape and… Wait! I hear a crashing sound out in the garage…”
Fixer Zombinator says, “HOLD TIGHT WE ARE GOING TO TRY TO SEND IN MORE DUCT TAPE….. WE DO NOT WANT TO GET TO CLOSE SO WILL BE THROWING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOWS….”
Fixer Ast says, “Day 60- I finally worked up the courage to approach the garage. The zombie repellent seems to be still working, but I can see them patrolling around my fence. To my astonishment, the pet chicks that I bought 2 months ago have matured, though I have no idea what they were eating all these time. I seem to be in luck! The crashing sound announced the arrival of my duct tape collection, which my now grown chickens have knocked down the shelf for me!”
Ms. Fix-It Mission Improbable can opener, kitchen utensil, nacho cheese
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